"I forgive you"

I was assisting my boss installing a plasma television on a wall bracket in a customer's house.
He recommended that I drill out the mounting holes in the bracket so the bolts could be put in easily.
I only drilled out two of the holes, and as a result we could not fit all four bolts. I apologized, and he said "I forgive you".
I felt pleasantly surprised. I was grateful for his generosity in accepting my apology and holding no resentment. I felt relieved to discover that the matter was now complete. I had learned from my mistake, and he had moved on to the next task.
He has inspired me by his example saying "I forgive you" in a way that shows he really means it.

The power of forgiveness

I often hear people speak of the need to punish offenders. Yet I often wonder what purpose punishment really serves. I know for example that if a person steals something from me, I am likely to feel angry, and want to strike back at that person. However such violence does not seem to bring me peace. It rarely resolves anything, and I do not really get deep satisfaction from seeing him be punished. I do have a desire to see the person caught and confronted regarding the impact of what he did, and would like him to not offend again. By forgiving, I can let go of my anger and my desire to punish. It frees me to think about ways to make a difference, possibly reducing the likelihood of more offences.
I probably also would benefit for forgiving myself for my part in having had the offence happen. I am more likely to find useful answers to questions such as "why did I not arrange better security" if I forgive.
See also http://peterpullar.com/overcomming_violence.htm

Forgiveness and communication

My friend invited me to the guest evening at the end of the communication course that she was attending. I heard several participants share about the results they had already got from communicating with people in their lives. When the word "forgiveness" was mentioned, I listened in anticipation of hearing something new. The leader suggested that to forgive is to give as before. I immediately saw how I sometimes allow things which happened in the past stand in the way of my communication. Whenever I am unwilling to fully forgive, I do to some extent communicate resentment, judgment, hurt, disappointment or anger. No matter what I say to that person who I have not fully forgiven, he or she is still likely to sense that something is missing from my communication.
If I do forgive, I am able to be in the present moment instead of being stuck in the past. New conversations are then possible. We can communicate more freely.

Forgive and forget?

My friend said that the forgetting is more important than the forgiving. I immediately thought of Suzie and Otto's article "Forgive and Forget? We Don't Think So!".
I asked my friend if he meant dealing with the emotions that I feel about what happened in the past. I said we don't forget what happened, yet we can change our emotional response to those times we recall what happened in the past.
As I thought about that conversation, it occurred to me that the intellectual exercise of forgiving is nowhere near as powerful as forgiving also from the heart.

Forgiving debts

After considering this subject for many months, it seems to me that there are at least two parties involved in each transaction. So often I hear of lenders accusing borrowers of not being responsible, yet not being responsible themselves for their own part in the transaction. A lender's responsibility includes managing his own risk. Blaming another person, I believe, is not being responsible.
Often there is more opportunity for both borrowers and lenders to learn if they are willing to forgive each other for their part in any problems that arise in the transaction. We all make mistakes. There will always be at least some errors of judgment. We may overlook some important details. I believe there is much more value in learning from our mistakes than there is in blaming others or ourselves for the time things do not turn out as expected.