Why is it so hard to forgive?

Often forgiveness can be very difficult if I am unwilling to take all the steps in the process of forgiving. A common difficulty is being unwilling to express anger and rage. I was unwilling to say what I thought to my mother. I was concerned that she may get upset. I thought it was bad to do things that may upset her. I did not really enjoy spending time with her. I did not feel the freedom when I was with her that I felt when I was on my own. There were so many things that I held myself back from saying to my mother when I was talking to her. I eventually did start saying what I really wanted me to say. My mother felt hurt. She felt angry, and said "you are saying I was not a good mother." I felt shocked. I felt guilty for saying things that I had not said before. I felt very uncomfortable as I said "I am not saying that you weren't a good mother." I explained to her what I meant to say, and she responded openly. I now see that many forms of expression were not accepted in my family. We were not allowed to say "bad" things. We often did not express our true feelings if we felt anger, hurt or rage. I learned to hold my feelings in. Even to this day often am often unwilling to acknowledge, feel and express these feelings. Without that expression, the forgiveness is more superficial. It is not complete forgiveness unless I am willing to go deeper.