Forgiveness News

Quote from Mahatma Ghandi

2008-01-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

More news of forgiveness

2007-03-10T21:31:00.000-08:00

Nearly every day I hear more of benefits of forgiveness.
Men and women forgiving their parents thus ending the barriers which were standing in the way of them expressing their appreciation and love for each other.
People discovering that Forgiveness is the key to success in career, health, relationship and the achievement of any goal.
And those who are able to experience much more joy and vitality as they forgive and release themselves from the binds of any bitterness, hatred or other past hurts that they had harbored.

More forgiveness

2005-12-27T02:12:00.000-08:00

I have been focussed on other projects, and have learned a few lessons along the way. I see even more clearly how important forgiveness is.
Taking on a new project, I made many mistakes. The leaders and other participants did too.
Having a forgiving attitude, we were all able to enjoy learning from the experience.
Even though the main project was challenging, new and exciting, it was not as deeply satisfying for me as writing about forgiveness.

Forgiving

2005-10-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

I felt joyful, peaceful and amazed as I stood on the beach looking out over the bay at sunrise.
Words do not seem to be able to express how wonderful I felt.
As I enjoyed the natural surroundings, I thought about how life could possibly be if I was able to fully forgive.
I imagined being able to enjoy everybody just as they are, doing what they do without me wanting to change anything.
I left that joy for a while as I thought about the way I often experience people. Words like "he shouldn't shout so loudly", "she needs to take her own responsibility" and "I wish he wouldn't spend so much time playing playstation games" came to mind. I did not feel that peace and joy as I thought those words.
I then looked at the sky. Even though some of the clouds were dark, I loved the experienc of looking at the sky just as it is.
I will forgive more.

Forgiveness is freedom.

2005-10-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

Many people believe that forgiveness is like telling the person who caused harm that "it is OK".
That is why a lot of people are uninterested in forgiveness.
I believe that forgiveness is giving up the desire for revenge.
I see forgiveness as the act of moving away from playing the powerless role of victim.
To be consistent with that belief, I regularly do "forgiveness exercises".
I read about forgiveness. I spend time with people who forgive.
As I do this, I am less restricted by what happened in the past. I am more free to enjoy the present and create a new future.
I also write about forgiveness. I am inspired by what I hear and read in reply to what I write.

Being around people who have a forgiving attitude

2005-08-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how much I enjoy being around people who are willing to forgive.
Not only do I feel warm experiencing their forgiving attitude. I am also inspired by their willingness to forgive past hurts and grievances.
I see more possibilities for now and for the future as I hear them more focused on the present than the past.
They are more able to create a great future instead of wasting time and energy on expecting their past to be different from the way it was.
Great!
But am I being as forgiving as them?
Some times yes, and other times no.
I am committed to being more forgiving, and am grateful not only for the inspiring examples of forgiving.
I am also thankful for those less forgiving who serve as a warning for me.
Some of them provide opportunities for me to make a difference in their lives by their being open to considering the possibility of forgiveness.

More than forgiveness.

2005-06-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

Yes there are many more aspects to life than just forgiveness However I regard forgiveness as extremely valuable. Especially as I learn new aspects of forgiveness, and discover where I could forgive more in my own life.
I love hearing people share their experiences of forgiveness. I enjoy the times they speak about healing of their relationships.
I acknowledge those who have the generosity and humility to do whatever it takes to end the resentments and pain.
I am inspired by those who can even go beyond that and be grateful for the strength and wisdom that they have gained.
While gratitude, appreciation and acknowledgement may be more than just forgiveness, they are often closely connected.

Taking a few minutes to forgive.

2005-06-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

My friend was having difficulty in her relationship. Again!
This time I took a few minutes to forgive her instead of immediately responding to her request for assistance. I am glad that I did. With a more forgiving attitude, I was more able to be with her in her time of need instead of being distracted by my own concerns.
It seems likely that those few minutes of forgiving made my time much more enjoyable and productive.
Maybe there are other times that I could spend a few minutes forgiving before rushing off and just doing tasks.

Encouraging a friend to Forgive

2005-06-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

My friend has so often resented the way his mother brought him up.
I recently acknowledged him for his emotional maturity, and the way he has gained such strength from his childhood experience.
He gratefully accepted my acknowledgement, wholeheartedly thanking me.
I love being able to contribute more in this way since having forgiven my own mother for the pain that I felt in my own childhood, and become grateful for the strengths I have gained from the experience.

"I forgive you"

2005-05-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

I was assisting my boss installing a plasma television on a wall bracket in a customer's house.
He recommended that I drill out the mounting holes in the bracket so the bolts could be put in easily.
I only drilled out two of the holes, and as a result we could not fit all four bolts. I apologized, and he said "I forgive you".
I felt pleasantly surprised. I was grateful for his generosity in accepting my apology and holding no resentment. I felt relieved to discover that the matter was now complete. I had learned from my mistake, and he had moved on to the next task.
He has inspired me by his example saying "I forgive you" in a way that shows he really means it.

The power of forgiveness

2005-05-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

I often hear people speak of the need to punish offenders. Yet I often wonder what purpose punishment really serves. I know for example that if a person steals something from me, I am likely to feel angry, and want to strike back at that person. However such violence does not seem to bring me peace. It rarely resolves anything, and I do not really get deep satisfaction from seeing him be punished. I do have a desire to see the person caught and confronted regarding the impact of what he did, and would like him to not offend again. By forgiving, I can let go of my anger and my desire to punish. It frees me to think about ways to make a difference, possibly reducing the likelihood of more offences.
I probably also would benefit for forgiving myself for my part in having had the offence happen. I am more likely to find useful answers to questions such as "why did I not arrange better security" if I forgive.
See also http://peterpullar.com/overcomming_violence.htm

Forgiveness and communication

2005-05-12T04:08:00.000-07:00

My friend invited me to the guest evening at the end of the communication course that she was attending. I heard several participants share about the results they had already got from communicating with people in their lives. When the word "forgiveness" was mentioned, I listened in anticipation of hearing something new. The leader suggested that to forgive is to give as before. I immediately saw how I sometimes allow things which happened in the past stand in the way of my communication. Whenever I am unwilling to fully forgive, I do to some extent communicate resentment, judgment, hurt, disappointment or anger. No matter what I say to that person who I have not fully forgiven, he or she is still likely to sense that something is missing from my communication.
If I do forgive, I am able to be in the present moment instead of being stuck in the past. New conversations are then possible. We can communicate more freely.

Forgive and forget?

2005-05-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

My friend said that the forgetting is more important than the forgiving. I immediately thought of Suzie and Otto's article "Forgive and Forget? We Don't Think So!".
I asked my friend if he meant dealing with the emotions that I feel about what happened in the past. I said we don't forget what happened, yet we can change our emotional response to those times we recall what happened in the past.
As I thought about that conversation, it occurred to me that the intellectual exercise of forgiving is nowhere near as powerful as forgiving also from the heart.

Forgiving debts

2005-05-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

After considering this subject for many months, it seems to me that there are at least two parties involved in each transaction. So often I hear of lenders accusing borrowers of not being responsible, yet not being responsible themselves for their own part in the transaction. A lender's responsibility includes managing his own risk. Blaming another person, I believe, is not being responsible.
Often there is more opportunity for both borrowers and lenders to learn if they are willing to forgive each other for their part in any problems that arise in the transaction. We all make mistakes. There will always be at least some errors of judgment. We may overlook some important details. I believe there is much more value in learning from our mistakes than there is in blaming others or ourselves for the time things do not turn out as expected.

I like forgiving people

2005-04-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

Not only do I enjoy being around people who forgive. I also enjoy forgiving.
I find those people who are willing to accept the realities of life without holding grudges, resentments, hurt and anger to be such a joy to be around.
If they are facing difficult challenges in their lives, I find their ability to forgive an inspiration.
I see opportunities for me to learn to more willingly accept the difficulties that I face in my own life.
As I learn, I am more able to appreciate life and to contribute to others in their time of need.

Forgiving our parents.

2005-04-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

As I look back at my own childhood years I remember times I visited the homes of my friends. I usually thought "I would love to live in this family instead of living with my own parents." I even preferred boarding school and did not look forward to the holidays. I now know my mother was doing her very best to be a good parent. My father, as he said, considered that my mother was doing more than enough for both parents, and chose to be less involved in parenting. As I have learned more about my parents' beliefs and values, I can more easily forgive them for the way they raised me. As I forgive them, I can more and more appreciate and be grateful for the strengths I have gained from my childhood. With this gratitude, I can enjoy life and contribute more to others.

Forgiveness improves the quality of relationships.

2005-04-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

When I entered their house I felt uneasy as I sensed the disharmony. Even though the man and his wife warmly greeted me and welcomed me into their home, I could sense that all was not well between them. They were not communicating with each other. He was complaining to me about women in general. I don't think he has forgiven his mother! He certainly was not forgiving his wife for not meeting his expectations of her. I believe that she also was very unwilling to forgive him. I sensed her anger and frustration, though she did not tell me her grievances. I much preferred visiting other houses, where I experienced people being more forgiving of themselves and of each other. They are able to communicate much more effectively, and are more willing to grow and learn from each other. .

When we forgive, we feel more alive

2005-04-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel angry and hurt about what somebody did to me.
There are times when I feel disappointed or guilty about what I have done.
I do not feel so alive when I feel those feelings continuously for a long period of time.
I feel more alive when I feel a variety of different feelings.
I may feel happy. I may feel sad for a little while. I could feel scared at times, or feel excited.
I can move on from the anger and hurt by forgiving that somebody.
I can end that disappointment and guilt by forgiving myself.
Then after forgiving I can feel the greatest happiness, joy, love and excitement.

Letter about forgiveness

2005-03-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

Our modern psychology places so much emphasis on the nurturing capabilities of parents and the effects on the child's psyche. I do feel that this is extraordinarily narrow thinking since significant others in a child's life include siblings, grandparents and other rellies, day carers and teachers.
Additional to these relationship experiences is the relationship of the child with the community.
My personal process in my life journey has now reached the stage of coming to terms with my childhood experience of covert exclusion from community. There will no doubt be quite some forgiveness work to be explored here.
I've been reminded recently that a wounding experience in childhood often leads an adult life of exceptional motivation to both heal that wound within self and assist others of similar experience to do so as well. And so, I've spent a lot of years now working on woundings at a personal level and very involved in activities that encourage cohesive joyful loving community.
But how to complete the forgiveness process when the exclusion I experienced as a child was a result of the religious prejudices of a highly conservative community directed against my parents? I just "happened" to be tarred with the same brush by birth.
Claiming the feelings of shame and loneliness as a child is my pathway of healing. I also see that I am able to better understand the pressures that my parents experienced, and how this has impacted on their capacity and ability to nurture their children.
So it seems very important to me now that we explore our childhood experiences within the context of the tone of the community in which we were raised.
I'd appreciate hearing others' experiences of community in childhood and how this has shaped their lives.
Please do share this email with the forgiveness network.
Warm regards
Ilyhana

Forgiveness

2005-03-24T03:31:00.000-08:00

I enjoy reading about forgiveness. I love hearing people tell me what benefit they have obtained from forgiving. Sometimes I spend time being a spectator instead of forgiving people in my own life and getting the benefits for myself. There are still people who I could forgive. I could also be more forgiving of myself

Friendship and forgiveness go hand in hand.

2005-03-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

Friendship with oneself is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. If I can't forgive myself, I can't fully forgive others and I can't truly be a friend.

When to forgive

2005-03-19T13:09:00.001-08:00

I live a busy life. There are so many things to do that I have to leave many actions that I want to take until another day. I am learning which tasks can be left undone, and which ones need to be done immediately. Sometimes I learn the hard way. I did not feel like forgiving him - especially after what he had done to me and my family. I did not want to hear from him ever again. I hated him. Then I got a phone call from a friend. I was shocked when she told me that he had died. I did not expect to feel that way. I would have expected to be glad. I still hated what he did, but I wished that he hadn't died. What had I been doing all those years? I had been thinking hateful thoughts about him in my mind. It had been costing me my energy, vitality and peace of mind. What could I have I done different? I could have forgiven him and used my mind more productively. While he was still alive, I could have let him know how his actions impacted on my family and me. I don't know if that would have made a difference though it would be better than just thinking in my own mind. I have learned to give forgiveness a higher priority in my life.

Forgiveness is one of the steps of the 12 step recovery program.

2005-03-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

There are other steps to be taken first before getting to the step of forgiveness.With most cases of addiction, both the person with the addiction and those affected - family, friends and workmates - need to take the same steps. Forgiving does not mean condoning destructive behavior or allowing abuse to continue. Forgiving does include letting go of past hurts and resentments. Forgiving allows us to be able to move on to a better outcome much more quickly and easily. It is an action that you can take yourself any time. You can forgive yourself. You can forgive the other person. When I find forgiving myself difficult (which happens often for me) I usually find that I am blaming myself for what happened instead of taking responsibility for doing something about it. Blaming rarely produces desired outcomes, love or affinity. When I stop blaming, I can then forgive.

Forgiving makes being with "difficult people" enjoyable.

2005-03-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

Some of my friends have at times complained that certain people are difficult to be with. One of my friends began to do some forgiveness exercises. The following week she was happy to report that she was no longer finding her boss difficult to be with. I had also been practicing a forgiveness process myself, and have also noticed that I no longer have much difficulty being with those people I was previously finding frustrating to be with. I feel relieved, knowing that I do not have to change these people to make them enjoyable to be with. I simply need to make my own changes in the way I think of these people. By accepting, appreciating and forgiving them, I can enjoy the times I am with them.

Thanks for forgiveness

2005-03-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

Many friends have shared their experiences of forgiveness with me. I have published much of what my friends are willing to have published. I have also written about my own experiences of forgiving, and enjoy the feedback that I receive. The thanks for the enjoyable articles. Emails about articles that have been helpful. People sharing about what they have learned or been inspired to forgive. And additional emails about forgiveness that I can post on the web. As I read that feedback, I believe even more strongly that sharing forgiveness is a worthwhile pursuit.

I thought I had learned how to forgive

2005-03-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

As I read about the benefits of forgiveness, I wondered why I was not having the harmonious relationships, peace and happiness that is promised. I thought about doing more work on forgiveness. I began reading about Forgiveness and doing some of the exercises and realized that I need to continually work on forgiving to receive the benefits. Having started doing that, I am now looking forward to contacting some people from my past, this time with a more accepting and forgiving attitude.

Forgiveness and self expression

2005-03-10T04:33:00.000-08:00

We limit our self expression by not forgiving.
Whatever we do impacts other people as well as affecting ourselves. Often the effect of our actions is not what we expected. If we are to live and learn, we will often cause both desired and undesired results.
We could choose to limit our self expression, thus limiting both our desired results and our undesired outcomes.
Or we can forgive ourselves and others for undesired outcomes, and live our lives more fully.

Forgiving is easier if we take care of our health

2005-03-09T05:19:00.000-08:00

If we are in pain, stressed or ill we may find much more difficulty in letting go of our past hurts and resentments. Joe from Joes organic markets believes that we do not have to suffer so much from disease if we care for ourselves, our families and the whole world family by eating healthy food that is free from poisons. We can also think thoughts that are free of fear and greed, allowing us to enjoy life more. Instead of working long hours just for the money, we can be free to contribute to others and spend time with each other. Regardless of whether we start by taking care of our health making forgiveness easier, or start with forgiveness making our physical and emotional health better, we can enjoy life more by forgiving.

Forgive and move forward

2005-03-07T00:42:00.000-08:00

From page 46 of "A Little Book of Things that Work" Relationship with the Past The past will have good and bad bits in it.Come to terms with the fact that the past has gone.Carrying a chip on your shoulder is a heavy burden for yourself more than anyone else.A wise person once said, "Resentment is the poison you drink in the hope of killing someone else."Are you carrying baggage?Forgive and move forward.

Why wait until somebody dies before forgiving them?

2005-03-05T18:07:00.000-08:00

I often did not forgive people who I believed did not treat me the way I thought they should. I thought my mother should have been more loving towards me. I also agreed with my mother that my father should have been more involved in our family. I did speak with my mother about my upbringing, and as she was still alive, she gave me the opportunity to hear her side of the story - an opportunity I would have missed if I had left it until later. I did not completely forgive her, even though I began to understand her much more. It was not until after my father's death that I really found out more about my parents. I appreciate their efforts in my upbringing and the strengths that they have given me. I also understand more about my parents' values, and realize that I could have been much more forgiving when I confronted them toward the end of their lives. I can forgive myself for treating them with less compassion than I could have, just as I can forgive others who find forgiving their parents difficult. I can not go back and change what I did, but I can from now on be more willing to forgive.

Forgiveness makes learning and growing possible.

2005-03-03T13:29:00.000-08:00

I learn from my mistakes. When I do not forgive myself for making mistakes, then I find learning very difficult and painful. The truth is that I make mistakes. If I try to not make mistakes, I often find my efforts just result in disappointment. By putting my focus on not making mistakes, my attention is distracted from the task that I am learning. By accepting that I make mistakes, I can manage many of the risks of what I do. For example I would not pretend that I could drive in fast traffic until I had mastered driving in less difficult conditions. I could also forgive others for making mistakes, allowing them to learn from their experience and maintaining my friendship with them. When I am less forgiving I lose friendship, and I do not grow.

"I have forgiven him but I still feel angry about him. I cannot condone what he did and the impact that his actions had on my daughter."

2005-03-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

Are those the words of somebody who has fully forgiven? I ask myself if I have any people in my own life that I still feel the same way about. I am tempted to say no - I have forgiven everybody in my life, yet if I am more honest with myself, I admit that I could forgive more. I think of people and organizations that I remember from the past, and realize that I still have more forgiving to do.

Forgiveness improves your smile.

2005-02-28T04:53:00.000-08:00

As I progress through the process of forgiveness, I have noticed that people smile at me a lot more than I have previously noticed. Some of my friends who are also writing forgiveness letters and doing other work on forgiveness also are getting more peace and joy in their lives.

Is it possible to be too forgiving?

2005-02-27T01:19:00.000-08:00

I read of a comment that people can be too forgiving. I do not believe that it is possible to be too forgiving. I do however know of several traps. I can forgive the other person and not forgive myself. I may forgive intellectually yet still have unresolved emotions of anger, hurt and pain.These two traps are so common that I find there are only a small number of people who do not tend to pull myself and other people into the trap. Until recently, I was one of the worst offenders. I was unforgiving of my mistakes. I was unwilling to allow myself or others to express anger, and that suppression often caused destructive outbursts or self sabotage in stead of powerful resolution of problems.I think that it would be difficult for many people to really understand these traps, and would be likely to believe that others can be too forgiving. They could think that by judging others that way, they would be able to justify their own unforgiveness. They would also be surrounded by many like minded people who agree with them.

I forgave him for being late, but he still keeps being late nearly every day.

2005-02-26T01:59:00.000-08:00

Forgiving a person may give them an opportunity to easily change their behavior. Yet it is possible that he may continue to do the very same thing that you forgave him for. I see the purpose of forgiveness to be much greater than changing another person's behavior. For me, forgiveness gives me an opportunity to put aside my anger, resentment, fears expectations of the other person so I can think clearly and communicate effectively. I can then create workable agreements in stead of blaming somebody else for my upset. If I want to be on time, I could be responsible for that by making arrangements so I will not be delayed even if he does turn up late. Not only would I be on time regardless of whether he was late. I would also be allowing him to be responsible for his own schedule.

Expect to to forgive more, not less.

2005-02-24T03:28:00.000-08:00

I used to believe that as I learned and grew, that I would become more perfect, make less mistakes and not have to forgiven as much. I have attempted to be "good" however I discovered that not everybody agrees on what is good or bad. I have also tried to avoid upsetting people. I learned that while there is value in being considerate to others, there are many times that I need to speak up at the risk of somebody getting upset. Only by doing that can we learn and grow. I will need to be forgiven for the times that I have caused hurt or pain. Friends, family and other people will also need to be forgiven as they learn and grow. The more willing we are to forgive, the more we can all learn and grow.

Forgiveness comes in several flavors

2005-02-22T04:11:00.000-08:00

There is the bland taste of partial forgiveness. When I have not fully forgiven, and am to some extent still judging or criticizing myself or another person.
The sickly sweet taste of "forgiving" without facing the truth about what happened. I experience this when I ignore the impact of what happened. For example when I do not confront issues such as destructive behavior. It is also similar when I justify or make excuses for what happened.
The tainted bitter taste of "forgiveness" being used as a tool to covertly judge or criticize. If I say I forgive somebody for what they have done to me, there is a big difference if my attitude is more a judgmental attitude than a forgiving one. I need to be aware of the way I say the words that follow "I forgive him for". Is there bitterness expressed in those words? I may need to work more on forgiving.
The delicious taste of wholehearted complete forgiveness. The pleasure and joy and freedom of truly putting the past into the past. The appreciation and acceptance of myself and others in the present moment.

Why isn't my mind as forgiving as my body?

2005-02-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

I cut my finger when I was using a trimming knife. It was only a small cut, and it healed completely in a few days. Yet I had thoughts about how careless I had been for much longer. My body has also healed with time from some bigger injuries. A broken bone was healed in a few months yet some things that my mother did, I had not forgiven her for over half a century. Just little things like not giving me the sort of sandwiches that other boys enjoyed in their school lunches. I didn't take responsibility for doing anything about changing the situation at the time. I was acting as a victim. I never said anything to her about it. I could have requested something different from my mum. Or at school I could have swapped a sandwich or two. I chose to blame her instead for my not enjoying my lunch times. I could have healed my pain much earlier in my life. She hated wastefulness. To throw out perfectly good bread just because it was not fresh would have been inconsistent with her values. I could have acknowledged her before she died for being true to her values. I could have forgiven her for not giving me the luxury of really tasty lunches. By forgiving her earlier in life I could have freed myself to enjoy more little luxuries in my own life. I can forgive myself for discarding stale bread!

"Forgive and Forget? We Don't Think So!"

2005-02-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

by Susie and Otto Collins
In every relationship you're involved in, it's inevitable that
something will happen in the relationship that will cause you to be
upset or angry with the other person or the other person will be
upset with you. Many of us try to forget what has happened to us
without really taking the time to address the issue. We believe that
in most cases, you really don't forget and here's why.

Have you ever had the feeling that the harder you try to "forget"
something, the more you end up focusing on it?

If someone says to you, "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think
of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue," no matter how
hard you try, you probably can't stop visualizing or thinking
about the color blue.

The same thing happens when you try to "forget" a negative situation
that has an emotional charge to it. No matter how hard you try, you
just can't seem to do it. You think you've forgotten but it's come
back up in other ways.

We believe that instead of forgetting, you have to forgive and let go.

Many people write to us wanting to know how they can forgive when
they have been wronged--a spouse cheated on them; they've been abused
in one way or another; or maybe their feelings have been hurt and
they don't feel loved or valued.

What we have found is that the process of healing a relationship
requires more than forgiveness. You must also let go.

But let go of what?

In almost all cases when you are having a difficult time forgiving
someone, you are holding on to an attachment of some kind or another.
The attachments most commonly manifest themselves in the need to be
justified, the need to be honored, the need to be right, the need to
be vindicated, the desire for revenge, and the inability to move past
fear.

So when you are holding onto an attachment, what you are actually
doing is holding onto a position which is serving you in some way but
it is not moving you forward in healing the relationship.

Eckhart Tolle in his book "The Power of Now" talks about how to let
go of negativity and we think that the same holds true for letting go
of attachments-Tolle says to let go of negativity "by dropping it.
How do you drop a piece of hot coal that you are holding in your
hand? How do you drop some heavy and useless baggage that you are
carrying? By recognizing that you don't want to suffer the pain or
carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it."

Just decide to do it.

Susie and her sister moved their mother from her home of 50 years to
an assisted living Alzheimer's facility. At the beginning of this
process, their mother had anger, hurt, and resentment toward her
daughters and her new situation.

From the time of taking their mother's car away from her, Susie
and her sister began practicing letting go of their mother's anger,
while allowing her to feel her feelings. They continually practiced
forgiving the words of anger that were directed toward them and just
sent her love.

Susie practiced a "Thirty-Nine Day Prayer of Forgiveness" given to
her by Shaman Connie Parkinson to help with this situation with her
mother. She's used it before to help heal a broken relationship.

Here it is--along with an explanation--and we urge you
to try it. It really works!

"Every day, for 39 days, all alone and in private, you say
the following:

(Name), I thank you for all you have done to me and those
I love. I ask your forgiveness for all I have done to you. Let
us begin a new relationship.

(Your own name), I love you. You are an exceptionally
wonderful and beautiful person and I approve of you.

This prayer is extremely simple, It's extremely hard, it's
extremely effective. By thanking the one who has injured
you, you are putting yourself a little bit in that person's
place, and you are recognizing that everyone is driven by
impulses we are not to know, and that everything that
happens to you is for your growth and your good."

By asking forgiveness for yourself, you are recognizing that
you had a part in the relationship. By telling yourself that
you love and approve of you, you are renewing strength
in the one human being in your life who can truly help you--
yourself.

The 3 is for the triune spiritual effect of will, action, and
manifestation. The 9 brings an ending to your grief and
anger and resentment against the person. The prayer
itself opens you to a new understanding of both yourself
and the one who injured you. The only thing you are
trying to change is yourself and your emotions. As for
the relationship, wait and see. You could be surprised
how you'll feel toward this person at the end of 39 days."

Along with this exercise, if you want to move toward forgiveness in your life, here are two questions for you to answer that will help you in this process:

*Who do I need to forgive?
*What step do I need to take to begin this process?

We encourage you to start today to do what you know that you need to do to begin letting go of what you have been holding onto and moving into creating the life and having the love that you want.
*************************

Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and
Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including
"Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship
Trust" "Communication Magic" and "Attracting Your Perfect Partner." In addition
to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars
on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this
or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit
http://www.collinspartners.com

Why is it so hard to forgive?

2005-02-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

Often forgiveness can be very difficult if I am unwilling to take all the steps in the process of forgiving. A common difficulty is being unwilling to express anger and rage. I was unwilling to say what I thought to my mother. I was concerned that she may get upset. I thought it was bad to do things that may upset her. I did not really enjoy spending time with her. I did not feel the freedom when I was with her that I felt when I was on my own. There were so many things that I held myself back from saying to my mother when I was talking to her. I eventually did start saying what I really wanted me to say. My mother felt hurt. She felt angry, and said "you are saying I was not a good mother." I felt shocked. I felt guilty for saying things that I had not said before. I felt very uncomfortable as I said "I am not saying that you weren't a good mother." I explained to her what I meant to say, and she responded openly. I now see that many forms of expression were not accepted in my family. We were not allowed to say "bad" things. We often did not express our true feelings if we felt anger, hurt or rage. I learned to hold my feelings in. Even to this day often am often unwilling to acknowledge, feel and express these feelings. Without that expression, the forgiveness is more superficial. It is not complete forgiveness unless I am willing to go deeper.